heavy hearted...

10 days later, i'm back at ttsh again n exactly at the same time...just that i'm finding myself at a floor higher up...

it's my mum's mum turn this time. though her condition isn't as bad as my dad's mum & probably have some more years to go, when mum called to say that grandma was in hospital, my heart fell...i really can't take another loved one leaving me...in the last 6 months, i've lost my grandma, my ex-bf n a friend...it's really too much to take.

before the fateful call, i had wanted to go the gym to wind down having had a rather rough 2 days at work... been running a one-man show as Chris is away on holiday. Wanted to exercise too cuz i've ballooned like crazy over cny n looked super round in my standupper...

it didn't help that as i was leaving the building, i saw someone in the lobby that made my heart sink further. i contemplated saying hi but chose to fake oblivion in the end so i won't fume or get depressed...i noe i've promised myself to get over it but it's been a very painful challenge...

back track to this morning...when i felt tremors for the first time today, my head spun and i really thought i was going to vomit & faint. Remember calling out to Michele who was in Chim Kang's room right in front of my desk...fortunately it was due to the tremors n not my body signalling red lights...i was seriously frightened for once...

reflecting on the year thusfar, i'm definitely a much happier person than last november n december, perhaps i'm getting used to the job or due to the fact that i've been trying to take things slower or simply cuz things are panning out smoother than b4. Having said that, i've still got some way to go...my mental & physical health still needs strengthening...


will go to the gym tomorrow, no more procrastinating...


God give me strength and be my guide...