恶梦停车场

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heavy hearted...

10 days later, i'm back at ttsh again n exactly at the same time...just that i'm finding myself at a floor higher up...

it's my mum's mum turn this time. though her condition isn't as bad as my dad's mum & probably have some more years to go, when mum called to say that grandma was in hospital, my heart fell...i really can't take another loved one leaving me...in the last 6 months, i've lost my grandma, my ex-bf n a friend...it's really too much to take.

before the fateful call, i had wanted to go the gym to wind down having had a rather rough 2 days at work... been running a one-man show as Chris is away on holiday. Wanted to exercise too cuz i've ballooned like crazy over cny n looked super round in my standupper...

it didn't help that as i was leaving the building, i saw someone in the lobby that made my heart sink further. i contemplated saying hi but chose to fake oblivion in the end so i won't fume or get depressed...i noe i've promised myself to get over it but it's been a very painful challenge...

back track to this morning...when i felt tremors for the first time today, my head spun and i really thought i was going to vomit & faint. Remember calling out to Michele who was in Chim Kang's room right in front of my desk...fortunately it was due to the tremors n not my body signalling red lights...i was seriously frightened for once...

reflecting on the year thusfar, i'm definitely a much happier person than last november n december, perhaps i'm getting used to the job or due to the fact that i've been trying to take things slower or simply cuz things are panning out smoother than b4. Having said that, i've still got some way to go...my mental & physical health still needs strengthening...


will go to the gym tomorrow, no more procrastinating...


God give me strength and be my guide...

@!$*^(@*$%)@_

Think my new year resolution of getting a car would have to be unfulfilled for another year or 2 at least...perhaps instead of thinking of getting a car I should think about moving out...

I've made my intentions of buying a car known since november last year. Why is it that when I'm about to commit tomorrow that both of you become so uptight? If you were against it, you could have let me know earlier, not after I've been through and put others as well through all these trouble. It's totally unfair. It's even more ridiculous that you use threats to stop me from buying...what's the logic that since i have money to buy a car i should increase your allowance to $1000? i'm already giving you more than what my peers are giving their parents. If i don't fulfill that I need to pay you rent or move out? What's all these for? very very uncalled for. if you had told me earlier, i would also have been able to put the money in my account to better use instead of parking it there earning a miserable interest of 0.25%.

50k is not a small sum, trust me, before making this decision, i've considered many situations n done my sums. i've already budgeted to spend about $1200 a month at least. I'm realistic about how much it's gonna cost me and the purpose of me buying a car. Besides, it's not as if i'm going to short change you in any way. In fact it'll be best for you and you don't have to grumble about having to send me to work n picking me up every nite.

fine. i won't fight with unreasonable ppl or i'll end up having to suffer hell long term.

you win.